Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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