I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
home. puking in laundry basket.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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