So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
