You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
