I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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