dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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