It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
