So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
