Me too!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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