your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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