i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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