About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
