Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
