We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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