They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
