if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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