Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
