I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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