We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everything about him screamed your future.
She bit a glass in half.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
