so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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