He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
