My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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