And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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