im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
