i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
