oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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