Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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