I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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