I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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