You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
