I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
