Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
