fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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