Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am available for nakedness
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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