hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
