I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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