we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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