I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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