i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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