i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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