Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
