its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
