I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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