just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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