My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
