I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
