well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
