he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
