youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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