Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
